I learned to pray when I was a little girl. I was taught to pray for things I was thankful for, my parents, our house, and food on the table. When I was around my teenage years I learned to pray for my friends and family who were sick, for safety when traveling, things I was thankful for and forgiveness for things I had done wrong. As an adult I learned from trials and tribulations to pray for protection, wisdom and strength. There was one particular situation that first taught me the importance of praying for my enemies.
I had worked for a couple that was strong in their Baptist beliefs and they were constantly trying to show me how wrong my faith in the Book of Mormon was and how me and all my family that believed as I did were going to rot in hell. After a brutal verbal assault from them one day, I left work and prayed. Without thinking at all, my car and I drove to Susan Mauck at the clinic.
As I was praying in the car the Lord gave me Psalm 46. I wasn’t sure what it was so when I got to the clinic with tears and snot bubbles, Susan took me to the back and prayed with me. We then looked up Psalm 46, verse one is the part that stood out immediately, “God is our refuge and strength, a present help in trouble”.
Susan encouraged me to pray for my enemies as much if not more than my family. I found this task extremely difficult because I was so upset, but I did pray for my enemies and when I was done I was filled with such peace, no anger, no feelings of revenge, just peace.
When I met my husband Paul in 2007, he had warned me that his ex-wife was a handful and would cause us many problems. He made it clear from the beginning that it would be best if I never really dealt with her one-on-one. I found out that she suffers from several different mental illnesses.
In the first year being married to Paul, I wondered why this woman was so evil, why when I had always treated her with grace and respect was she always so hateful and spiteful towards me. I had many conversations with my mom about my frustrations with this woman and how it didn’t matter what I did she seemed to find a way to influence my house into chaos and negativity. I remember one day when I just felt like I couldn’t deal any longer with the chaotic life this woman seemed to constantly be causing us, my mom asked me if I had prayed for the woman. No, why would I? I haven’t done anything wrong.
Instead I prayed for myself, “Give me the strength to keep my angry thoughts to myself, give me patience to put up with this woman who clearly has no desire to ever deal with me in a civil way”. My prayers were for me, but my mom reminded me that this woman is the one who needed prayers.
So I started praying for this woman who constantly did me wrong, called me names, told lies about me, was in all ways my enemy. I prayed that her heart would be softened, that she would have joy in her life. That the demons that whispered in her ear to create chaos would be bound to the hell they came from.
For the next two and a half years, I prayed almost every day for this woman because I now saw her in a different light. I saw her as Jesus saw her, broken in spirit, joyless, loveless. My heart was so broken for her, that she clearly was lacking Jesus in her life. Even when this woman called me names or sent me terrible text messages I always responded as Jesus would have wanted me to, with love and forgiveness.
I let her know often that I was praying for her. Sometimes in her anger she would scoff at me as though I was mocking her by telling her that I was praying for her. She would respond with a quick hateful jab attacking me as a Christian. There were many times over the past few years that I wondered if God really heard me. Or maybe I wasn’t praying enough or the right way because it seemed like this woman was NEVER going to change and my prayers were never going to be answered.
In October of 2011, this woman called my husband and asked if she could come over and talk to the both of us together. I was a little skeptical, but she seemed adamant that we all talked together. With tears in her eyes she told us that she had a very spiritual experience that had changed her life. That she was so sorry for the way she had treated us the past few years and to please forgive her.
She specifically let me know that she was so sorry for purposely trying to sabotage me and my marriage that she had been angry and jealous and there was no excuse for the horrible things she had done. She said that she had not had joy or love in her life and she finally realized it was her own fault; she had been pushing the joy and love away and embracing anger and hate for far too long and she knew now how toxic she had been to herself and everyone around her. She asked me for my forgiveness which I gladly gave her.
I let her know that I truly had been praying for her, that she would find joy again. She thanked me and promised that she would never act this way again.
I was so grateful that God heard my prayers. This woman will never be the perfect friend to me, she still suffers from her illness and struggles with that, but I know without a doubt that my prayers helped her. That God took the time to listen to the prayers of one small Christian whose heart was breaking for another. It may have taken a few years before my prayers were answered but I know that it had to be in God's time not my own.
God tells us to pray without ceasing, and his promise is that he does hear and he does respond. We need to learn to be patient and wait for Gods time to answer, and when he does answer you will know without a doubt that your Savior hears you!
Matt. 5:45-50
45) Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbor, and hate thine enemy.
46) But I say unto you, love your enemies; bless them that curse you; do good to them that hate you; and pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you;
47) That ye may be the children of your Father who is in heaven; for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and unjust.
48) For if ye love only them which love you, what reward have you? Do not even the publicans the same?
50) Ye are therefore commanded to be perfect, even as your Father who is in heaven is perfect.
Showing posts with label Adriane Howe. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Adriane Howe. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
A Brief Meeting - Adriane Howe
This is from a dream I had in July of 2010. I believe with all my heart that God allowed this vision to occur. There is no doubt in this testimony, God is so good, and he blesses us in so many ways. This is just one of my blessings God has granted me; I hope that it will be a blessing for those who read it as well.
As I went to sleep that night my heart was so troubled, in fact my heart and soul had been troubled since a conversation had occurred between Shane’s sister Abbey and I back in May. Feelings were, and still are, very raw after Shane’s death. Many unanswered questions and speculations, accusations and anger lingered. I had always been close to Abbey and was very distraught over the conversation we had. I stated my side and left it at that because I loved her and didn’t want to cause her any more pain. But I was troubled over the whole thing.
On this night in July I went to bed very troubled and fell asleep quickly, which rarely happens for me. In my dream a man, a large man with dark features came to me and said that Shane was waiting for me, that he had something very important to tell me but we had to go quickly. The next thing I know we are standing in a trolley car style diner. Of course I thought to myself, "HELLO Shane is dead why would he be meeting me in this diner?" The large man told me not to ask questions because they didn’t matter, what matters was that Shane would be there waiting for me. I sat at a table near the kitchen while the man disappeared into the kitchen.
I looked around to observe where I was, a normal enough diner for being late at night, people eating, laughing and joking. Seemed to be a place many came after a night out on the town and a few too many drinks. I felt a little out of place. I wouldn’t say scared, but on guard.
Then when I looked back to my table he was there. Shane was sitting right in front of me with a smile so big, so loving, almost as if he was shining with happiness. He was wearing an army green t-shirt, jeans and tennis shoes. He looked amazing, like every sorrow I had once seen in his eyes was gone. I was immediately moved to tears. I asked Shane if it was ok if I hugged him, Shane looked over and the man that brought me nodded. I wrapped my arms around him so hard I felt I’d break my own arms off. I cried, Shane just laughed and told me it was ok, he was ok.
I told him how sorry I was how everything ended and that I never thought it would end like that. He said he knew and he said he was sorry for putting me through all of that. He said he had learned so much since making it to heaven. That heaven wasn’t all white robes and golden gates that in fact it was pretty normal, just pure and beautiful and nothing but love. A place where souls could learn the truth and be forgiven for the mistakes they made in life. He said the colors were so amazing and beautiful, not like the colors we are use to.
I asked him if he could forgive me for marrying so soon after he died, he laughed and said, “Well, he’s a good man, but did that really work out how you had planned?” I laughed too because nothing seems to ever work out exactly how you think. He also said something to me concerning a part of my future. (I feel lead not discuss this part so I won’t be sharing that portion of my testimony at this time.)
He told me how proud he was that I was raising Braden with the truth. and he told me Braden would be ok. He said that he sees Braden all the time and he watches us when he has the time, because he works in heaven. Everyone has a job to do. I told him that I was really upset about his sister that I feared she was drifting into the black that had once taken him away from me and there was nothing I could do to bring her back. He looked at me with such peace and reassurance and told me not to let that trouble me any longer, that Abbey would be fine, it would take awhile, but in the end she would be fine. She would see the truth.
Then, in true Shane fashion, he asked me if I wanted to see him do a trick. Of course I laughed and said yes. He picked up a mountain dew pop bottle and balanced it on the tip of his finger and then walked it two tables down and back. To me this seemed like nothing and I just laughed at him for being silly. That’s when I realized that nobody else in the diner could actually see Shane except me so the bottle had “floated” back and forth. All the drunken party goers thought that was a cool trick and kept asking the waitress how she did it. She just smiled and said that strange stuff like that happened all the time at the diner.
Shane hugged me again and said it was time for him to go. He told me that all things happen for a reason and we never really know until we get to heaven why they happen the way they do, he had no regrets. He kissed the top of my head told me he loved me and was gone.
I immediately woke covered in sweat with tears streaming down my face and my troubled heart felt more at peace than it ever had. I thank God for allowing me to speak with Shane for that brief moment; it has made such a difference in my life.
*A few weeks after this dream my mom had mentioned to Susan (Mauck) my dream, Susan called me and asked me to tell her my experience. When I was done relaying the dream Susan took a deep breath and through tears she told me that the Holy Spirit had confirmed my testimony was a vision and that she felt that the large man in my dream was one of the Three Nephites guiding and protecting me. I was overwhelmed to hear her say this, and quickly in my head questioned why I of all people would be so fortunate to be blessed with the honor of being in the presence of one of the Three Nephites. I have found a simple answer, it was God’s will and even though I do not always understand or feel worthy of such blessings, I am grateful that God granted me such an amazing blessing.
**Shane was right about Abbey as well. In November 2010 Abbey emailed me a short and to the point email. She said she was going to a group counseling session for survivors of suicide and felt like she needed to tell me. She came and spent Christmas at my house with my family and sat down with me that night and we shared many things. I was able to comfort her at that moment in a way that only God could have managed to arrange. She is in contact with me all the time now. Her spirit has changed and I no longer see or sense the darkness that once threatened to pull her away. God is so gracious and he truly does have a hand in every part of our lives, both the darkest times and the most joyous times.
As I went to sleep that night my heart was so troubled, in fact my heart and soul had been troubled since a conversation had occurred between Shane’s sister Abbey and I back in May. Feelings were, and still are, very raw after Shane’s death. Many unanswered questions and speculations, accusations and anger lingered. I had always been close to Abbey and was very distraught over the conversation we had. I stated my side and left it at that because I loved her and didn’t want to cause her any more pain. But I was troubled over the whole thing.
On this night in July I went to bed very troubled and fell asleep quickly, which rarely happens for me. In my dream a man, a large man with dark features came to me and said that Shane was waiting for me, that he had something very important to tell me but we had to go quickly. The next thing I know we are standing in a trolley car style diner. Of course I thought to myself, "HELLO Shane is dead why would he be meeting me in this diner?" The large man told me not to ask questions because they didn’t matter, what matters was that Shane would be there waiting for me. I sat at a table near the kitchen while the man disappeared into the kitchen.
I looked around to observe where I was, a normal enough diner for being late at night, people eating, laughing and joking. Seemed to be a place many came after a night out on the town and a few too many drinks. I felt a little out of place. I wouldn’t say scared, but on guard.
Then when I looked back to my table he was there. Shane was sitting right in front of me with a smile so big, so loving, almost as if he was shining with happiness. He was wearing an army green t-shirt, jeans and tennis shoes. He looked amazing, like every sorrow I had once seen in his eyes was gone. I was immediately moved to tears. I asked Shane if it was ok if I hugged him, Shane looked over and the man that brought me nodded. I wrapped my arms around him so hard I felt I’d break my own arms off. I cried, Shane just laughed and told me it was ok, he was ok.
I told him how sorry I was how everything ended and that I never thought it would end like that. He said he knew and he said he was sorry for putting me through all of that. He said he had learned so much since making it to heaven. That heaven wasn’t all white robes and golden gates that in fact it was pretty normal, just pure and beautiful and nothing but love. A place where souls could learn the truth and be forgiven for the mistakes they made in life. He said the colors were so amazing and beautiful, not like the colors we are use to.
I asked him if he could forgive me for marrying so soon after he died, he laughed and said, “Well, he’s a good man, but did that really work out how you had planned?” I laughed too because nothing seems to ever work out exactly how you think. He also said something to me concerning a part of my future. (I feel lead not discuss this part so I won’t be sharing that portion of my testimony at this time.)
He told me how proud he was that I was raising Braden with the truth. and he told me Braden would be ok. He said that he sees Braden all the time and he watches us when he has the time, because he works in heaven. Everyone has a job to do. I told him that I was really upset about his sister that I feared she was drifting into the black that had once taken him away from me and there was nothing I could do to bring her back. He looked at me with such peace and reassurance and told me not to let that trouble me any longer, that Abbey would be fine, it would take awhile, but in the end she would be fine. She would see the truth.
Then, in true Shane fashion, he asked me if I wanted to see him do a trick. Of course I laughed and said yes. He picked up a mountain dew pop bottle and balanced it on the tip of his finger and then walked it two tables down and back. To me this seemed like nothing and I just laughed at him for being silly. That’s when I realized that nobody else in the diner could actually see Shane except me so the bottle had “floated” back and forth. All the drunken party goers thought that was a cool trick and kept asking the waitress how she did it. She just smiled and said that strange stuff like that happened all the time at the diner.
Shane hugged me again and said it was time for him to go. He told me that all things happen for a reason and we never really know until we get to heaven why they happen the way they do, he had no regrets. He kissed the top of my head told me he loved me and was gone.
I immediately woke covered in sweat with tears streaming down my face and my troubled heart felt more at peace than it ever had. I thank God for allowing me to speak with Shane for that brief moment; it has made such a difference in my life.
*A few weeks after this dream my mom had mentioned to Susan (Mauck) my dream, Susan called me and asked me to tell her my experience. When I was done relaying the dream Susan took a deep breath and through tears she told me that the Holy Spirit had confirmed my testimony was a vision and that she felt that the large man in my dream was one of the Three Nephites guiding and protecting me. I was overwhelmed to hear her say this, and quickly in my head questioned why I of all people would be so fortunate to be blessed with the honor of being in the presence of one of the Three Nephites. I have found a simple answer, it was God’s will and even though I do not always understand or feel worthy of such blessings, I am grateful that God granted me such an amazing blessing.
**Shane was right about Abbey as well. In November 2010 Abbey emailed me a short and to the point email. She said she was going to a group counseling session for survivors of suicide and felt like she needed to tell me. She came and spent Christmas at my house with my family and sat down with me that night and we shared many things. I was able to comfort her at that moment in a way that only God could have managed to arrange. She is in contact with me all the time now. Her spirit has changed and I no longer see or sense the darkness that once threatened to pull her away. God is so gracious and he truly does have a hand in every part of our lives, both the darkest times and the most joyous times.
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